so many nights

...since i last updated this blog. alternatively, today's title comes from fixin' to die as covered by g. love and the avett brothers, seen here:

nevertheless, it has been a long time since i posted. since the last time we've (virtually) seen each other, beatrice the ipod has been dropped seven times (and acquired one tiny dent which was in no way my fault). electronics live a hard life in my house. also, s-la and i saw tangled! it's adorable. and then the momster and husband number three took me to atlantic city, where i gambled (because i am eighteen! and can legally do so! i can't wait to get my first lottery ticket) and lost spectacularly the first night (grand total: -$185.00) but made it all back up after brunch, which looked like this:

that's right - i successfully gambled! i even made a profit ($4.05). it was thrilling. probably too thrilling, actually, as i have been informed that when one has lost all their money at a casino, the sensible thing to do does not in any way include glaring at a slot machine and playing until you've won your money back. i think that is crap advice delivered by people who never win, anyway, and certainly did not come out with a profit of four whole dollars and five cents, thank you very much.

and now i'm going to go do my homework. for real, this time.

tonight we're going to set this record right

today's title comes from george stanford's big drop. it's one of the many things i've been listening to this month. you may (or may not) have noticed, but i've been on a self-imposed exile from the internet since finals ended. i could try to explain why, but...well, it'd take too long and i'm beyond tired right now. the important thing is, a rachel without the internet is a very productive rachel indeed. i've been reading everything i ever wanted to. my To Read list is actually shrinking! that hasn't happened in...actually, it's never happened. normally it just grows (and grows and grows). i've been writing a little, too. it's...strange. strange even for me. if you're interested, shoot me a comment or a facebook message or an email or something. and then be prepared for strangeness. i really can't emphasize this enough. i've been watching a little too much british tv lately (it's like the one thing anyone in my house can agree to watch - thank you, doctor who) and reading too much postmodern poetry, because everything i write lately is either foreign or dystopian or both.

it's been a relaxing month, though. we went to see ice! at the national harbor (it's dr. suess themed and wonderful), saw just about every different light show in the greater d.c. area, visited the christmas village at busch gardens, went to the wizarding world of harry potter (crowded, so very crowded - and wonderful. i totally want to retire there) and, best of all, found my One True Ornament of the year. this is it, along with all the others (the momster and husband number three):

i'm the gold piano. isn't it pretty? oh, and that peacock you see? it's supposed to replace my dearly departed One True Ornament from last year, but the momster got the wrong one. it's still pretty, though, so i guess it counts.

ophelia the ipod has finally been replaced. her successor is now named beatrice, a departure from the six (!!!!) ophelias which preceded her. i've finally given into the fact that naming my ipod after a suicidal fictional character is probably not the best omen with which to begin her electronic life. i'd include a picture, but i'm tired and therefore lazy.

that's basically all that's happened to me in the last...however many days it's been since i last turned on my computer. there's nothing like the internet to put your life in perspective, right?

a song i've never heard

today's title comes from academia by sia and is (for once) actually relevant to this post - being home means i've been bingeing on new music. it's wonderful. i'll put up reviews if anyone's curious.

this song really can't be called good, but the music video is so hilarious i had to post it.

i didn't do much today. worked out, walked the dogs, helped the momster with work, wandered around manassas and arlington today. the usual, basically. i found a panda hat at anthropologie, though! it's adorable, but way too expensive. thankfully, christmas is just around the corner so it is totally going on my wish list.

i've been making friends with my keyboard today. i can't explain it here, so don't ask me to, but i've been...afraid, i guess, of writing. not academic writing, or blogging (since this is so nonsensical and insubstantial it barely counts as writing anyway). just...the more i read (good books, this time around, and not twilight or the other crap booksellers market to kids nowadays), the more intimidated i get. there are so, so many wonderful writers out there, how could i ever compete?

of course, there are plenty of horrible writers out there, too. one only has to wander over to the shelf of romance novels in the grocery store to realize that. so i've decided that (as i have no current hope of publication), i'm going to write anyway. besides, all of you are being so creative right now that i feel guilty.

louder than ever

today's title comes from the song of the same name by cold war kids.

this week's itunes free music downloads were a mixed bag. i'm a big fan of the spanish song of the week

but they're also offering what looks like a free copy of blue suede shoes. beware, though. beware. it's this horrible, remixed thing. who would remix elvis?

sometimes i feel like two different people. hermit rachel and college rachel don't even seem to belong to the same species, let alone the same person. that's how bad it is - i'm referring to myself in the third person. how obnoxious is that?

i can't explain it properly, but i feel like i should try since this blog really has come to replace my diary lately. well, this blog and my ical. everything seems to be in there. see?

back to me being whiny and self indulgent...

i don't like change. at all. and it keeps coming home to me that who we are now isn't who we've been (isn't who we'll be). all of the plans i had for myself are slowly unraveling and being replaced by new ones. the new plans aren't necessarily bad. but...they're different. i actually considered becoming a pre-med major. me! to be fair, biology and stats are actually my highest grades right now (who would've thought that'd happen?) and i was being unfairly influenced by one-too-many "save the children!" documentaries in my global issues class.

still. it's change. changes everywhere. leaves and classes and people. oh, people. oldest and dearest friends of mine, why must you keep changing on me? some of you have been throwing me for a loop lately. i think i might be doing the same thing to some of you.

where i see myself in ten years is changing, too. i never realized this before, but (soccer ogling aside), i'm a little terrified of actual relationships. blame the momster and husband number one (and their various, numbered spouses) for that, i guess. i don't know. the thought of getting married before i'm, like, forty is vaguely horrifying to me. i want...the world, i guess. to see everything and do everything and date a couple dozen people just in case (who knows - the multiple marriage thing could be genetic) and just...be. i want to die knowing i've experienced life.

i want to die with the ability to stop going on quasi-philosophical rants in the middle of the night. 


i feel so unsettled, mentally. if i was home right now, this would be the time i did something reckless. started one of those mini-adventures that usually leads to one (or all) of you commenting with some variation of "oh, rachel" or "not again" or "you crazy bitch". which...fair enough, i suppose. the hall-es here seem dedicated to keeping me in line, though, since i've already been told to wrap this up and go to bed, to finish my paper tomorrow (but not put it off later than that), and to stop eating fun dip at 1:45 in the morning. i can't help it. i like it when my tongue is blue.

also, i lied. i totally lied. i know exactly what brought this post on. someone i was friends with in elementary school got engaged. engaged. and pregnant, which - go figure. but but but. we used to share wonderballs and those weird little cookies that you dunked in frosting at recess. how is this even possible? i might be panicking slightly. also, how does one even go about responding to that wedding invitation? is there a polite way to say "no, thank you, i prefer not to freak myself out any further watching you and your idiot groom who's even uglier than he was back in the day get hitched next weekend"? i didn't think so. 


i'm done being crazed and rambly for the night. the momster is coming for our weekly mother-daughter bonding session tomorrow, so i'll probably rant to her, too. and isn't it strange how i actually look forward to that now? i used to hate it. now it's like one of the only normal things left in my life. also, starbucks better name a drink after me by the time i graduate. i swear, there are days where i think my family keeps them in business. well, the northern virginia and frederick ones, at least.

random story of the day: in my chaucer class (filled almost entirely with english majors as it's a 395), neither my professor nor any of my classmates could remember what galileo was famous for. one person suggested that it was for discovering that the earth was round. another said he did "something wonky" with gravity (tangentially, isn't wonky a fun word? i think i'll start using it). at long last, one of the lone science people (bio major, to be specific) finally set everyone straight. this is the same class full of people who got into an in-depth discussion on robespierre, dante, and ezra pound. oh, english majors. i love you all.

come around sundown

today's title comes from the cutie and the followills album of the same name. it leaked! i'm listening to it now - reviews will be forthcoming...eventually. i have four papers due this week (on top of the four papers i had due last week). i'm beginning to hate school.

you know what i don't hate? justin timberlake. he and britney spears are basically the last relics of my musically-challenged childhood which i can look on without feeling endless shame. actually, watching this makes me and the hall-es all sorts of giddy. you should watch it, too:

to get the tedious recapping out of the way, here's my week in pictures:

rainy days leads to umbrella fencing in the halls. 

why do i always get the mean fortune cookies? the last one told me to eat more carrots to avoid cancer. this can't be normal.

L decided to hang out in my step stool today. she also may have decided to get stuck in it. oh, hall-es.

i was up bright and early at 7:45 this morning to volunteer at the food bank with circle k, but i didn't bring my camera or my phone, so i couldn't take pictures. it was fun, though. we did a lot of sorting and boxing, mostly. people (and businesses) like to donate some weird stuff. we had pallets full of dietary supplements called flush the fat, a bunch of ankle and knee braces, and around fifty boxes of shampoo and conditioner. that was the worst. a lot of the bottles burst in the boxes, which was disgusting to feel when you were reaching in to sort and box them - we went through a ton of paper towels cleaning off the bottles, and my hands still feel kind of slimy. the club and the hall-es and i went out to brunch afterwards, where i introduced everyone to my favorite, most unhealthy brunch food of all time: southwestern tater tot bowls. it's basically what it sounds like: a bowl full of tater tots covered in cheese, bacon bits, tomatoes, green onions, salsa, and sour cream.

...needless to say, i have since been convinced to join in on a healthy eating month. after all, i do have to get into jasmine shape. so for the next 31 days, i'm not drinking coffee or soda (i will probably cheat on the coffee - however, the hall-es seem convinced that my caffeine intake isn't healthy, so i'll have to sneak some on the side) or snacking after nine in the afternoon evening. it's going to be horrible. hopefully it'll pay off. at least it gave me an excuse to stock up on tea and hot chocolate and marshmallows at giant today.

i'm going to have a busy day of homeworking and soccer watching tomorrow (note: real madrid is being shown on espn 2 at 3 p.m. and liverpool plays at 10). i should actually probably just save this post and go to sleep, since i only had a little nap today before watching mean girls in joanna's room (also, apparently i curl up when i sleep? i had no idea that wasn't normal. i don't know, i just like to sleep with the covers over my head and apparently all the hall-es were debating on whether i was actually under the blankets or if it was just a pillow. oh, and apparently i like to hit people who try to wake me up? who knew. ) but i just feel like blogging tonight. it's been a very, very long time.

it's funny, but i've been feeling like a sponge, lately. i don't know...i guess i'm just trying a lot of things i never thought i would be interested. like aikido. it's weird and kind of hard and i fall down a lot but it's still really fun. oh, and pilates...actually, that's just hard, but we're going again this week anyway. oh, and letter writing. there's something i never thought i'd pick up - but then i realized the joys of a full mailbox and changed my mind. i wonder if my sponginess is going to stick around. i kind of hope it does, but then...well, i quite liked being a hermit. me and my room or basement or kitchen on a winter afternoon with lulu on my feet as slippers and a book or new music...well, it was nice. better than nice, actually. i'm actually ridiculously excited to get back to that during my breaks.

i guess you could call this my poem of the day, but i've been obsessing over it for, like, the last week, so i don't know if that label really applies any more:

You who never arrived 
in my arms, Beloved, who were lost 
from the start, 
I don't even know what songs 
would please you. I have given up trying 
to recognize you in the surging wave of 
the next moment. All the immense 
images in me -- the far-off, deeply-felt 
landscape, cities, towers, and bridges, and 
unsuspected turns in the path, 
and those powerful lands that were once 
pulsing with the life of the gods-- 
all rise within me to mean 
you, who forever elude me. 

You, Beloved, who are all 
the gardens I have ever gazed at, 
longing. An open window 
in a country house-- , and you almost 
stepped out, pensive, to meet me.
Streets that I chanced upon,-- 
you had just walked down them and vanished. 
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors 
were still dizzy with your presence and, 
startled, gave back my too-sudden image.
Who knows? Perhaps the same 
bird echoed through both of us 
yesterday, separate, in the evening... 

- rainer maria rilke 

no post would be complete without music. in no particular order, here's what i've been listening to lately. being deprived of my usual rachel-time (and therefore, music-finding time), i need recommendations. what have you all been listening to lately?

okay, so i lied. clearly there is an order to this and clearly florence and the machine covering girls aloud deserves to be first. i've actually probably blogged this song before, just because my love of cover songs and florence has been well-documented here. you can listen to it again anyway.

with no shadows on your doubts

today's title comes from devil in the details by the ambience affair. it's amazing. i got it off of this month's indie/rock playlist and am completely in love with it. so, naturally i went a-looking for the rest of their songs and found them to be equally amazing. also, their lead singer personally answered a lyrical question on yahoo answers, which i find pretty endearing. anyway, i'll just post the song so you can become obsessed with them, too.

and, yes, part of the reason i'm posting the music video is because i think it's incredibly cool that they didn't use a video camera to make it. whatever - i'm easily amused, okay?

since s-la has already blogged about it, i'm not going to bother recapping our fun-filled, backyard hair-dyeing adventures with jenibean and meggo. instead, i'll talk about glee.

i know what you're thinking: "not this again." but hear me out - tonight was the lady gaga episode. gaga. and it made fun of twilight. repeatedly. all while promoting a message of tolerance, family togetherness, and the importance of hot outfits. what's not to love? i can't wait until next week's episode. the previews made it look insane.

speaking of things that are insane, the momster has been gone for the last few days. she's in las vegas at a business conference, leaving me all alone for days. five of them, to be specific, since she comes back late tomorrow night and left on sunday. i'm still bitter that i didn't get to go with her, but leaving school for a week when we only have, like, two weeks of classes left seemed like a bad idea.

now, we all know that i'm not the most...practical of people. i'm not all that great with the whole self-sufficiency thing. never fear, though - i made myself checklists of things i need to do so i don't die or get kidnapped or starve or something. also, the momster and several of our nosy neighbors have been calling constantly. as you can imagine, that got annoying pretty quickly, so i've stopped answering the phone. they'll get over it.

i've been loving having the house to myself. it's been nice having everything so quiet. i think it's a sign of how nerdy/lame i am that the craziest thing i've done in my four days of alone-time is reenact the risky business pants off dance off around my house. for those of you who don't know what i'm talking about, here's the clip:

okay, so i lied. i couldn't help it. risky business had tom cruise in it, and there's no way i'm putting him and his crazy scientologist face up on my blog. it's not even a real word, let alone a religion; safari keeps putting a little red line under scientologist. besides, i love scrubs.

oh, and in musical news, christina aguilera's album leaked. i might be jumping the gun a little here, but based on my first few listens, it's pretty awful. at its best, it's a lady gaga rip off. at its worst it turns into a watered down version of britney spears' worst songs. no wonder she cancelled her tour. how did she spend four years working on this? back to basics was so good. even her greatest hits album had amazing remixes on it. it's like she regressed...into jessica simpson.

and in linky news, if espn covered sports like this i might actually watch it. or at least know what channel number espn is.

other than that, my week has been pretty boring. mostly all i've been doing is playing card games and apples to apples in class, wandering around the school getting up to shenanigans that i'll tell you about after graduation (if i remember, which is doubtful), and actually learning new things in physics. like i said: boring.

and now i'm going to do more boring things: feeding, watering, and walking my dogs. they're like plants but cuter.