i'm gonna lose my head here

today's title comes from resurrection by the temper trap.

i'm not even going to bother apologising for being a bad blogger lately because, honestly, this has just been an incredibly busy semester. banana, i don't even know how you've managed with your nine thousand languages and activities. so, instead, this is just going to be a random post about things i've been liking since my last post.

beginning with:

salad! i'm a lot little bit in love with them. actually, i'm eating one right now (one of the sinfully unhealthy ones from wendy's) but i've been craving them in all shapes and sizes. like i had a buffalo wing caesar salad at salad creations last week and it was wonderful, and i made a little one two nights ago with dried cranberries and raisins and feta cheese as a midnight snack. who knew i could like green things? the momster is certainly mystified. 

dante! this is the second semester that i've had to read the divine comedy in an english class, and this time around it's actually in two separate classes. my brit lit and italian poetry/modernism class (the full course name is "T. S. Eliot, Ezra Pound, and the Italian Trecento" and was apparently going to be longer but academic services made my professor shorten it) are overlapping all over the place. we're reading a lot of the same works (okay, in reality, it's more like "we're reading a lot." full stop, the end, sorry but no sleep for Rachel until may) in each of them, but at different times, so occasionally walking into each class feels a bit like going through a time loop. nevertheless, dante and all the other medieval poets we're reading in my italian/modernism class are actually really interesting. although i am getting a bit sick of petrarchan sonnets. poor laura. also i think i have the first canto of inferno memorised.

doctor who. pretty much self-explanatory, actually. although i would like the record to show that i plan to do this to some door in my house one day, or maybe just my bedroom door this summer.

tying in with my last obsession, british television in general. downton abbey, merlin, skins, torchwood, north & south...they're all so wonderful. and, best of all, the shorter seasons makes the writers seem to step up the quality of the episodes a lot - there are way fewer filler episodes.

in keeping with my hall's obsession with merlin/pretty people in period clothing with accents, i introduce to you Arthur Bear. the hall-es and i built him at build a bear together and we're planning to mail him around to each other over the summer. he even has a little passport so you can all sign it! i'm pretty excited.

and this is Merlin Bear, which i got for myself since it lost in the hall-e vote over which bear to build (it was a tough decision to make! also, we got a lot of weird looks from the build a bear staff). michelle the hall-e made a bunny, but i don't have a picture of it.

the history channel, which on three separate viewings has told me that the biblical story of moses is evidence of an ancient alien encounter, of various rumors and theories that abraham lincoln was a vampire, and that humanity is suffering from "amnesia" which prevents us from being able to remember/understand that our ancient ancestors clearly had contact with aliens (because how else were they able to build the pyramids?). i'm beginning to worry about the channel.

cki! i got reelected for next year. we went to our district convention and won things, too, but most of you are adept facebook stalkers so you probably already know that. and i finished the club scrapbook. well, after i put every minion i could find to work, first.

and, of course, this:

if only i'd been alive in the eighties. also, how is it that everyone in that video is, like, a multimillionaire now? and a lot of them are pundits, even. oh, and the current liverpool coach is in it, too, see if you can spot him.

i'll just leave you with this:

you are all going to hate me in the morning

when you get around to checking blogger and see approximately three thousand posts from me? yeah, i'm guessing you'll be unamused.

i'm conscious of time passing like i have never been before. right now (not now, as in the present, as in this moment where i'm sitting at my desk and my hair is dripping all over my keyboard and my roommate is talking in her sleep behind me, but this year, i guess. maybe this time in my life. maybe this time in all of our lives) i feel a little bit like it's now or never. like i only have so many chances to make it in the world and then that's it. sometimes i feel like all of those chances are either slipping away from me or never existed in the first place. sometimes i wonder what "making it" even is.

i know, i know. i should stop posting in the middle of the night. when we're all old and gray and boring, at least we'll be able to scroll through these blogs from the prehistoric internet and laugh. i'm beginning to wonder if i will ever become sensible. i thought it would have happened by now. yes, i know it was a bit silly to think that turning 18 would magically turn me into someone calm and rational and self-assured who can actually cook and knows things like how to use an oven or iron or wash a dog or budget, god help me i am doomed unless everyone i know tries to keep me in line when i grow up, but that didn't stop me from hoping.

and i don't care how many "points" you think you have, i wish people would stop comparing me to emma. i am not a jane austen character, okay? 

until the earth stops turning

today's title comes from gorecki by lamb:

liverpool lost. that's all i'm going to say about that. these past two years have been a pretty depressing time to be a supporter. i have high hopes that the new owners will do the right thing come january transfer window time, though.

i have a confession to make:

you know that iranian film class that i always complain about? well, i kind of like it now. the films are getting better as we move into the modern era, and even the ones i initially didn't like are actually pretty good. i don't know how to explain it properly. it's like...the more i learned about iran and its culture and the revolution combined with my film analysis skills getting better to make me actually appreciate the movies we've been watching. a lot of them are about kids during the revolution or after it. it's kind of surprising how easy it is to connect with child-driven plot lines, especially when a lot of them were based off of the director's real life experiences. it made me start to wonder what happened to them after the movies were over. oh, and we watched persepolis on friday. we have it at home, but i bought my own copy today. i didn't like it the first time i watched it, but now i'm a little in love with it. the same thing happened to me with pan's labyrinth. it's so strange - this is like my year of multiculturalism, or something. i'm a little crazy for spanish and iranian history right now. they're so complicated and divided and just...i should probably stop before i start writing an essay.

this craziness is starting to transfer into other things, though. like, from becoming interested in just iranian films, i've started liking foreign films in general. i hate writing that. it feels pretentious. but some of them are really good! and subtitles aren't actually that bad.

i raked leaves with circle k today. we had to get up at a horribly early hour to do it. the hall-es and i actually woke up late and ended up texting the other members for half an hour for directions to the house they were at and walking half a mile in the opposite direction because we are geniuses. it was fun, though. this one woman told us all not to quit school because we would never make it as professional leaf rakers, but i think she was just jealous. her leaf blower ate joanna's headphones, too, so we made a return trip to target so she could get new ones. while there, we saw these crimes against nature:

doesn't he look cold? also, don't you just love the dog's face in the background? it's totally judging that guy. 

poor, poor anne frank and ray bradbury do not deserve to be shelved right next to that crap. and sold for less money. 

the following are not crimes against humanity. they're just funny:

why, yes, that is her entire wardrobe (more or less) drying on her bed. 

the roomie attempted to dry two loads of laundry in one dryer. as a result, nothing got dry. and since this is a weekend, the second she left the laundry room all of the dryers were taken. so she decided to dry everything in our room, with hilarious results. 

i discovered the existence of cookies and cream hershey kisses today! i probably shouldn't have, actually. i can't stop eating them.

louder than ever

today's title comes from the song of the same name by cold war kids.

this week's itunes free music downloads were a mixed bag. i'm a big fan of the spanish song of the week

but they're also offering what looks like a free copy of blue suede shoes. beware, though. beware. it's this horrible, remixed thing. who would remix elvis?

sometimes i feel like two different people. hermit rachel and college rachel don't even seem to belong to the same species, let alone the same person. that's how bad it is - i'm referring to myself in the third person. how obnoxious is that?

i can't explain it properly, but i feel like i should try since this blog really has come to replace my diary lately. well, this blog and my ical. everything seems to be in there. see?

back to me being whiny and self indulgent...

i don't like change. at all. and it keeps coming home to me that who we are now isn't who we've been (isn't who we'll be). all of the plans i had for myself are slowly unraveling and being replaced by new ones. the new plans aren't necessarily bad. but...they're different. i actually considered becoming a pre-med major. me! to be fair, biology and stats are actually my highest grades right now (who would've thought that'd happen?) and i was being unfairly influenced by one-too-many "save the children!" documentaries in my global issues class.

still. it's change. changes everywhere. leaves and classes and people. oh, people. oldest and dearest friends of mine, why must you keep changing on me? some of you have been throwing me for a loop lately. i think i might be doing the same thing to some of you.

where i see myself in ten years is changing, too. i never realized this before, but (soccer ogling aside), i'm a little terrified of actual relationships. blame the momster and husband number one (and their various, numbered spouses) for that, i guess. i don't know. the thought of getting married before i'm, like, forty is vaguely horrifying to me. i want...the world, i guess. to see everything and do everything and date a couple dozen people just in case (who knows - the multiple marriage thing could be genetic) and just...be. i want to die knowing i've experienced life.

i want to die with the ability to stop going on quasi-philosophical rants in the middle of the night. 


i feel so unsettled, mentally. if i was home right now, this would be the time i did something reckless. started one of those mini-adventures that usually leads to one (or all) of you commenting with some variation of "oh, rachel" or "not again" or "you crazy bitch". which...fair enough, i suppose. the hall-es here seem dedicated to keeping me in line, though, since i've already been told to wrap this up and go to bed, to finish my paper tomorrow (but not put it off later than that), and to stop eating fun dip at 1:45 in the morning. i can't help it. i like it when my tongue is blue.

also, i lied. i totally lied. i know exactly what brought this post on. someone i was friends with in elementary school got engaged. engaged. and pregnant, which - go figure. but but but. we used to share wonderballs and those weird little cookies that you dunked in frosting at recess. how is this even possible? i might be panicking slightly. also, how does one even go about responding to that wedding invitation? is there a polite way to say "no, thank you, i prefer not to freak myself out any further watching you and your idiot groom who's even uglier than he was back in the day get hitched next weekend"? i didn't think so. 


i'm done being crazed and rambly for the night. the momster is coming for our weekly mother-daughter bonding session tomorrow, so i'll probably rant to her, too. and isn't it strange how i actually look forward to that now? i used to hate it. now it's like one of the only normal things left in my life. also, starbucks better name a drink after me by the time i graduate. i swear, there are days where i think my family keeps them in business. well, the northern virginia and frederick ones, at least.

random story of the day: in my chaucer class (filled almost entirely with english majors as it's a 395), neither my professor nor any of my classmates could remember what galileo was famous for. one person suggested that it was for discovering that the earth was round. another said he did "something wonky" with gravity (tangentially, isn't wonky a fun word? i think i'll start using it). at long last, one of the lone science people (bio major, to be specific) finally set everyone straight. this is the same class full of people who got into an in-depth discussion on robespierre, dante, and ezra pound. oh, english majors. i love you all.

we live half at night

today's title comes from vcr by the xx.

i know i've posted this song before. it's just that good. listen to it again, okay?

i went on an adventure to central park and the mall with some of the hall-es. our main goal was chipotle for the burritos (successfully acquired), but we got distracted by other things. i discovered the wonders of the dollar store today! we played in there for a while - christmas decorations are already out. i was a little mystified. whatever happened to thanksgiving? does no one appreciate the turkey anymore? or wearing politically incorrect pilgrim and indian costumes? this is the backbone of our country, people! okay, nor really. whatever. it's still a time honored tradition. they were still fun, though. i'm debating whether or not i should decorate my dorm room for the holidays. i really want to (you all know by now how i feel about holidays - i'm already trying to organize a gingerbread house for the hall), but i'm not sure if it'd be worth it when we leave campus on december ninth. decisions, decisions (you all know how i feel about those, too).

after that, we went to target and played in the toy section. there's so many cool ones now! i don't know what it is about the holidays, but i always feel about five years old the second the weather starts turning cold. like, i have to bundle up in the puffiest, warmest clothes i own and the christmas socks come out...and so does the christmas list. would it be silly if i asked for this for christmas?

i mean, yes, it is a toy. but - it's buzz lightyear! and we played with it at target and it talks and turns toward you and has a spanish mode and everything. it's pretty much the coolest thing i've ever seen.

oh, and don't forget: chelsea v. liverpool tomorrow at 11 a.m. you should watch it. here's why:

listen to didier. it'd be a fucking disgrace if you missed it. tune in for the atletico madrid-real madrid derby tomorrow, too. it's always fun to watch.

oh, and you might have noticed that i finally changed my 'currently reading' book. i'm rereading extremely loud and incredibly close by jonathan safran foer for three reasons: 1. it's awesome. 2. i finally bought a copy of it and can see all the pretty pictures and word circling and the flip book at the back. 3. he's releasing a new book in just nine days and i want to get used to his crazy multimedia style again.

this new book is the real reason i'm mentioning it. i just preordered it (since barnes and noble is offering free shipping and if you preorder it online you get a much-needed discount, considering the downright cray cray original price of the book) and it looks amazing. see for yourself:

to explain what you're looking at, i'll just include the interview that first clued me into this book:

An enormous last day of life.

“Jonathan Safran Foer, deftly deploys sculptural means to craft a truly compelling story. In our world of screens, he welds narrative, materiality, and our reading experience into a book that remembers that it actually has a body.”
–Olafur Eliasson

Our early conversations with Jonathan Safran Foer aboutTree of Codes started when Jonathan said he was curious to explore and experiment with the die-cut technique. With that as our mutual starting point, we spent many months of emails and phone calls, exploring the idea of the pages’ physical relationship to one another and how this could somehow be developed to work with a meaningful narrative. This led to Jonathan deciding to use an existing piece of text and cut a new story out of it. Having considered working with various texts, Jonathan decided to cut into and out of what he calls his “favourite book”: The Street of Crocodiles by Bruno Schulz.

As Jonathan began to carve out his story, we started doing our production homework and literally got turned down by every printer we approached – their stock line being “the book you want to make just cannot be made”. Thankfully, we found Die Keure in Belgium who relished the challenge of making a book with a different die-cut on every page.

Over a year of writing, cutting and proto-typing later, comesTree of Codes, a haunting new story by Jonathan Safran Foer cut from Bruno Schulz’s words.

The book is as much a sculptural object as it is a work of masterful storytelling: here is an “enormous last day of life” that looks like it feels.

doesn't it look amazing? i'm excited.

random fact: i've been listening to the xx while i typed this. itunes is weird, though, so when i type "the xx" into the search bar, i get every song, band, or album artist that features two Xs and/or the word "the". which means i went from nice, muted, good-for-writing, indie techno pop to:

yeah, i don't know either.

saw your face last night on tv

today's title comes from this song:

the hall-es and i went to see paranormal activity 2 last night. it was hilariously un-scary. however, having left my license at home, i had to do a number of questionable things in order to procure a ticket. apparently some movie theaters actually care about verifying if you're over 17 or not. and of course this would happen to me after i turn 18. i'd post more details, but...well, those of you getting letters from me will see why i'm leaving the story off here. also, if you haven't already, facebook message me your home address. i have charlie brown christmas cards and they are begging to be sent out.

my halloweekend has been pretty awesome so far. like s-la, there were some boy-related (mis?)adventures and a couple of parties. lola the hall-e has been absolutely hilarious as a result of her own adventures. there's been lots of text message analyzing and gesture-dissecting going on in our hall. tonight we're taking it easy, though. hopefully we're going trick-or-treating in a few minutes, too!

...yes, that's right. i'm a college freshman and i'm going trick-or-treating. i've never missed a year and i'm not about to start now. besides, if we go early there'll still be time to party after. i'm thinking this will be my theme song today:

oh, and in case you didn't already know (you should)...

LIVERPOOL WON. the manager remains insufferable and christian motherfucking poulsen played. and, no, that's not swearing. that (should be) is his actual name. seeing as that's what anyone with, you know, eyes, screams at their tv and/or computer screens while watching his decrepit 300 year old self run aimlessly around the pitch.


here, bask in the joy with these hilarious pictures:

clearly the highlight of this game was seeing stu stu and freckles on the same screen

no reports yet on why a game of red rover broke out during the game

ehehehehe

eh. it's halloween. have another song. this one's dance-y!

all round the fields of anfield road

i'm cheating with today's title - it's from the fields of anfield road. that's the lost liverpool mention you'll see in this post, though, i promise.

in rachel news...life has been routine. i'm getting used to things, i guess. i'm finally done with midterms (which crushed my soul and left me unable to look at either scantrons or thesis statements the same way again). i finally figured out the real reason that freshmen aren't supposed to take 300-level english classes - it isn't that the work is hard to understand (it's not) it's that there's so much of it. four papers in two weeks. same for the iranian film seminar.

but it's over! i was like this all weekend:

i had a bio lab from nine to noon today. i was going to be sad about it, but it turns out that the professor had to leave for some family emergency or the other at the last minute and left us these as a substitute for the lab we were supposed to be doing (more dna polymerization - yuck):

also, ahahahaha at caitlin in the background

that's right - i got to play with mr. potato head for three hours!

after that, the momster and husband number three showed up for what i thought was going to be a nice, casual lunch/giving-rachel-money/distribution of presents afternoon. wrong. so wrong.

they took me to A Bank. a bank. according to them, now that i'm 18 i have to know how to use them and deposit birthday checks and withdraw my own cash and things. it was horrifying. also, apparently husbands one and two and the momster had savings accounts for me and didn't bother telling me - so there was this whole to-do where they were calling the various Financial Advisers (doesn't that just sound hideously grown up?) and sorting out authorizations and secondary account holders and other adult things like that. i am apparently about to be trusted with my first debit and credit cards since the Great Spending Fiasco of 2008. wish me luck.

the point of this story is that i had to spend two and a half hours in a bank (on a very nice, sunny afternoon no less) being lectured on financial responsibility and how they are putting me on a budget and the dangers of impulse buying and basically being reminded in every way that i'm an adult and will one day have to take care of myself and know how to do things and...

no. just no. i'm freaking out a little. the momster and husbands one through three seemed to get that since there was a general consensus that i looked panicked and so the parental units who were at the bank in person took me to party city and we got my costume (i am going to be a cat since the pre-made disney costumes are either skanky or not very nice looking. we're making better ones over the summer for next year). i was slightly comforted by assembling the pieces of it. i now have a sparkly cat ear headband (and a fluffy version lent by michelle), a leotard, tights, a giant poofy tutu/tulle skirt, cat gloves (one of the hall-es is helping me sew on rubber pads to make them into paws), and a two foot long bendy tail (being sewn onto my costume by michelle). it's going to be great. also, to bring me back from the heights of Mt. I-can't-be-an-adult-I-just-learned-how-to-do-laundry-and-can't-even-drive-that-well-and-sometimes-I-forget-things-like-what-continent-Paraguay-is-in-and-also-my-own-name, the parents let me pick out costumes for them and the dogs, too. the human half of the family is now Minnie and Mickey Mouse. the lulus are going as a banana and a cat.

to conclude this little story: i still have a terminal fear of growing up and a slightly worrying addiction for costumes. also, when these two things are combined, i can manipulate some wonderfully embarrassing halloween photos out of my parents. i really can't wait for this year's batch.

other than that, i've been catching up on my reading and replying to letters. if you sent me anything last month, look for a reply in the next week or two.

let's see how far we've come

today's title comes from how far we've come by matchbox twenty. i've got this playlist full of really cheesy songs that i listen to during moves/transferring schools/important life changes &c. and this one is all over it.

in case that wasn't enough to tip you off, i'm in full on nostalgia mode right now. i'm not entirely sure why it kicked in now and not, like, a week/month/year ago, but...well, it probably has something to do with this:

that? that is the result of six hours of shopping yesterday. my feet still haven't recovered. and i strained my ankle doing yoga last night and have to wear tape on it like a loser, so that might have something to do with it.


i've got to pick up a bunch of odds and ends tomorrow morning before the movie marathon s-la mentioned finally starts, but other than that i'm...done. other than laundry and physically throwing things into boxes (i'm not a big believer in that thing called "neatness", especially not when it comes to packing), i'm actually ready to move into my dorm...and away from home. i feel like i should be more excited/worried/spastic about this. i'm mostly just calm, though. maybe this is the real reason seniors get to leave school early - summer has stretched on for so long that i'm just ready to actually do something. or at least get away from the momster who keeps trying to bribe me to stay home with cupcakes and coffee and crying binges in the middle of the container store, oh lord.

it's so weird to think about this, but - excepting meggo, of course - i didn't know any of you four years ago, and now you're all so important. i wonder who we're all going to meet in the next four years. i wonder if we'll still talk then, or if we'll all have gone the way of the girl jenibean affectionately refers to as she-devil. like s-la, i don't think we will. for one thing, we really are the only people weird enough to put up with each other, and for another, i'm kind of bossy. all of you better expect lots of annoying blog posts/texts/facebook messages from me for the rest of your lives. also, we've discovered technology! see?

look at us, using technology. successfully, even. i'm still a little amazed. honestly, web cams just make me feel old. it seems like not that long ago video chatting was that thing they showed in movies to let you know you were in The Future. what happened to us?

also, i feel like our omegle adventures really have scarred me for life. like, i might have post traumatic stress disorders. when we added bean to the conversation her friend was the only person in view and i had, like, a vietnam flashback, all "OMG PENISES. PENISES ARE GOING TO RISE OUT OF THE DEPTHS AND FLASH US RUN FOR YOUR LIVES BITCHES."

and, yes, that is exactly how the vietnam war was fought. don't let anyone tell you anything different, okay?

maybe later i'll take a picture of the dogs for you all. the momster had them shaved again. they look terrifying.

was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?

today's title comes from mumford and sons, specifically, this song:

it's not my favorite song of theirs, though. actually, i'm not really sure i have a favorite. it could be this one:

or this one:

but this one is mark hoppus's favorite, so i guess i'll post it, too:

in case you couldn't tell, you're meant to listen to all of these. why else would i go to the trouble of posting all these videos?

i just got back from dinner and starbucks with the momster. i don't know if i've mentioned this already, but the illustrious momster has some odd taste in drinks. her two most common orders at starbucks are a "grande double shot caramel machiatto with no whipped cream, extra foam and no caramel on top" and a "caramel apple spice latte with no caramel". occasionally she likes to change things up a little and get something even more ridiculous sounding. today it was something like a triple shot bold blend latte. i accidentally grabbed her order instead of my own (a relatively tame double shot peppermint mocha) and pulled this face:

it was like drinking petroleum. i had to chug my piping hot drink just to get the taste out of my mouth. seriously, that much espresso is just unhealthy (except after an all nighter - then it's a vital component of staying awake). actually, i ended up with a venti triple shot mocha the morning of the SAT way back in - geez, sophomore year. two whole years ago. wow, i feel old. i'm mostly mentioning this as advice to gina, who's taking that oh-so-wonderful test tomorrow.

you know, it's strange. the juniors in my yearbook class are starting to brainstorm ideas for next year's yearbook theme. cory (the last third of gina's and my amazing design team) already came up with one, actually. it's a pretty good idea, but i was listening to her talk about it today and mostly going, "wow, how are you okay with coming back for another year? i'm so ready to be gone."

because i am. ready to graduate, i mean. you should all know by now that senioritis has hit me hard. i mostly just vegetate in class now except for calc because then driskill would sneak up and kill me and i really, honestly don't see the point of 99.9% of the activities we do (do an egg drop project, you say? take an open note quiz? define the same stupid seven terms on every vocabulary list this quarter. ha, i don't even think the teachers care anymore). it's just strange to take a break from wanting to move on and think, "look how long it's been." nostalgia, it's a fun word. the last four (really, six if you have a paranoid/ocd brain like mine which began chanting 'you've gotta get into a good college' the moment it entered middle school) years have been defined by a set of specific goals and challenges and plans and deadlines and they've all passed, for better or worse. sure, there's a few left - scholarships and prom and beach week and that one last field day - but for all intents and purposes school's already over.

pretty strange, huh?

anyway, this post has gotten too emo, so here's two tiny things to make you laugh. (and if you were wondering, i'm blogging from my phone and posting gifs is easier than pictures on the app i'm using since all i have to do is copy and paste a link to my photobucket instead of actually uploading a picture):