i will never have children, or: two tales of bad parenting.

it's been a while since i blogged. sorry about that. these past few days have been eventful. s-la, meggo, jenibean, and i went to see alice friday night. it was awesome. johnny depp was predictably unfortunate looking but the CGI and alice's costuming fully made up for that. helena bonham carter kind of stole the show, but that's to be expected. and i just got home from a birthday party/sleepover at jodie's, so that explains last night's missing blog. i'm not going to elaborate on either of those events, so if you really want details you should badger s-la to blog about them.

because you (all eight of you) are such conscientious followers of my blog, i'm sure you're wondering what prevented me from blogging thursday night or saturday afternoon. surely i was spending all my leisure time cackling away about your rachel-blog-deprivation.

well, if you thought that, you'd be wrong. i now present to you two tales of epic mommery. be warned, they aren't for the faint of heart.

let's begin with thursday, shall we?

on thursday i received a text from the momster asking me to go with her to her office and do real estate things for her since her assistant was out. i, being the wonderful person that i am, agreed. however, instead of going directly to her office her client texted and said she wanted to meet us at a bar. okay, we said. so we went to the bar. and then the momster realized she needed to pick up extra pens and things since, you know, they aren't really supplied in bars and restaurants, so she left me to order some snacks and headed to staples - where her client called, changed her mind, remembered that she had to be at some play for her kid in an hour, and asked the momster to meet at the office after all. crunched for time, the momster left staples and went to the office - leaving me, a platter of the best wings i've ever had, and my annotated copy of the poisonwood bible alone in a bar. alone.

it was traumatic. did you know that people hit on you at bars? even when you're munching on wings and reading your book and clearly projecting the 'i'm underage, go away' vibe. some of those people were old! like mid-twenties old. and buying drinks. and not even the happy, fizzy coca cola-type of drinks. it was horrible.

i'm thinking i shouldn't have yelled at the momster about it, though, since now she's on this 'my one and only child is going to college' bonding kick. we spent all of yesterday shopping. my feet and arms felt like they were going to fall off by the end of it. and then we left the mall too late to come home and still make it to jodie's on time, so i had to buy a new toothbrush and set of pajama bottoms and sleeping bag. that sleeping bag is the silliest thing, it's huge. at least it doesn't resemble my old sleeping bag - that one's shaped like a coffin and 'contours to the body' according to the north face sales people.

anyway, the bonding lead to me basically getting an entire spring wardrobe. here, check out the bounty:

in case you couldn't tell, the rainbow bra was my favorite purchase. getting it was awful, though - it involved seeing a librarian in victoria's secret. buying things. i can't bring myself to elaborate any further.  

we ended up getting manicures, too. the woman who did mine was pretty cray cray - all she did was grunt and move my hand and watch the chinese drama on the television behind me. she did an awesome job, though, so now my nails look like this:

i don't have a weird number-shaped birthmark on my hand, either - i wrote someone's locker combination on my hand in fine-tipped sharpie and now it won't wash off. i scrubbed and scrubbed with the little heated towels and in the shower yesterday and it just wouldn't go. i guess i'll just have to wait for it to fade. 

and just to round out this little trio of grainy iphone photos, here's lulu. i think she looks like a squirrel in this picture, what do you think?

i tried to get cookie to pose, since he's the nice dog, but he doesn't like cameras. oh well.

i'm listening to four winds by bright eyes, mostly because s-la said she didn't like it. clearly s-la is a deranged cat-lover with catastrophic brain damage since all sane people like the song.